Here I am posting from my mom's house and her beautiful big-screen computer. I had sushi for dinner. How's that for different? I'm mellowing out some, going back to being an ubergeek. I'm so tired of my entire world consisting of going to class, going to work, then back to my apartment or to my mom's house. I used to not be like this. I want to travel, to see the world. I mean, the other day I went for a walk one block further than I usually do and from there I could see almost all of downtown El Paso. And that was just one block. Imagine somewhere really different. I used to have dreams of living and working outside of this area, outside this country even. Then I went back to thinking that I'd live and die here, where I belong, and I'd be satisfied with that. But how boring. Look how boring my life has become. I've lost all my dreams. I used to look up at the sky and see worlds to explore. Now "it's a chilly night." I don't want to see and do everything, but anything's better than staying this way my whole life. Right now I see a 20-year-old girl who is still afraid and insecure. I spend all my time in one place. I let everyone boss me around. I keep to myself for fear of offending people. But if you don't take any chances, you'll never get anything done. I don't want to look back on a life full of regrets. "You'd better get it now, while the getting's good." There's more to this life than this. It's been so long since something has given me goosebumps. And I want some of that right now.