Apologies, this is not going to make much sense. I got up thought about exercising but worked on my short story instead i don't have any original thoughts, i just changed what they told me to change, i went to put it in his mailbox but i went to the wrong floor and thought oh s--- this is my dad's girlfriend's office i wonder what she looks like does she look like my mom she's probably a lot smarter than my mom but anyway i found his office and he wasn't there so i figured i'd give it to him tomorrow at office hours because i didn't want it to get misplaced and get a bad grade that fear outweighed my fear of talking to him i always fear talking to professors i fear that they'll tell me my work is garbage which i feel it is sometimes and that i don't do perfect work i don't even try i just do enough to get a halfway decent grade and not much beyond that so i left after having spent about ten or fifteen minutes prowling around the philosophy building or worrell hall or whatever it's called then i went back to my apartment disappointed that i was such a coward because i didn't put it in the mailbox that he shared with cline i'll take what i get then i watched a makeover story and a dating story the makeover was ok it was two people getting haircuts but the dating story people were just too perfect for me to relate to then off to work i got blue coconut syrup on my shirt and just stood around and signed up for dr pepper games and asked for popcorn chicken sauce selections and made shakes saw the cook in the parking lot i think he sploshed grease all over my car but it will wash off then home to baked potato tuna and green beans which i used to think was gross but now eat for every meal headline news with kangaroos then decided the hell with it i'll just leave the story in the mailbox so i did then off to the library with my book selections some of which were in the catalog and which i diligently searched for but i found not one book that i really wanted to read and was available i was disappointed because i wanted a book to read one that would make me cry and forget about my weird lonely life or to try something new or talk about with people one day or make me smarter and more informed and philosophical then back to my apartment it was starting to get cold i bought a reese stick because hersheys almonds were sold out then saw chrissy and her bf as i was walking down the block i didn't know if it was her then i did and they were holding hands and i felt kind of sad and a little jealous and i thought about how thin she must have been and what they must have done to her at that place and if she still does it and what she thinks of the fat me then i took off my backpack and put on a jacket and locked up and went to my car for survivor night at mom's and who do i see but chris from cs getting into his car which i now recognize i wonder what he's doing here i wonder if it's legal he drove off and i thought about following him to see where he lives but i was too late anyway and that was stupid and he's really wild and i'm really clean and i like him anyway and i wish i was thin and pretty so he would like me then again would i really like that no not really then off to mom's the dog jumped when she saw me and licked me and that was nice then sick in the bathroom and eating dinner listening to seinfeld about contraceptives so stupid and degrading and then we bought a pie with chocolate and red and green sprinkles it was good then survivor ted went down surprising then csi wasn't following intensely then er which was good that actor is so handsome i really love him and i saw this actress who reminded me of this girl i am kind of friends with who is nice i don't know why i like her so much sleepy drive home i have to buy presents i think i need therapy or want it or both or that it would help parked on the line then up to apt. hoping roommate and bf would not be there i won't be happy unless i can write no tp sad and lonely i got a 720 on verbal sat's which i am proud of even though i don't admit it but won't do me much good anyway i'm tired i should go to sleep so i won't get up late but who cares anyway my teeth are rotten i want life to be exciting but i don't know