Restless days. It's Friday, no classes today, but I was planning to go to the computer lab. It was closed. Instead I buy a personal pizza from Pizza Hut in the Union and a 20 oz. Dr. Pepper and read the school newspaper. For an hour. I was going to go pick up my sister at the airport today. Turns out she is not coming in until tomorrow. So I have nothing but time on my hands, time to read endlessly self-conscious novels, time to watch Legends: Jimi Hendrix on VH1, time to write here about my mundane life. Some days I count my blessings and think that this is the best that my life is ever going to get. I'm young, I have tons of free time (yes, tons), no responsibilities like a job or a kid or a husband, I have money, I have a car, I have my own place. I have everything. The bad news: It's all downhill from here. A year from now I will be struggling to get a job, or becoming disillusioned with my entry-level computer job, or in grad school struggling through my classes. Money will be scarce, my car will be a year older and creakier, and I will find myself doing it all alone. There are lessons I still have to learn. No, no, no........Yes, yes, yes.
I have become a different person and I have moved to a different place over the past year or so. Self-discovery, as cheesy as that sounds. Or I have stayed the same person, just a truer one, a more genuine one. Or not. Maybe I will look back at this and think that this is not the case at all. Everything is alright, or even if it's not, it will be in the end. My success is not guaranteed by my hard work. Destiny, if you will. I let it go because I know that even if I push myself harder than I ever have in my life and get that close to the goal, I might fail anyway. I let it go because strange things happen, flash floods and traffic accidents, and people disappoint and don't do what you expect.