Newspaper meeting today, got a new story, that frightens me but I am doing it anyway. When I got to the parking lot my car made this funny noise when I tried to start it. It took me a few tries before the engine finally turned over....that is not a good sign. I hate when anything happens to my car. I don't even want to touch anything on my car for fear that the whole thing will fall apart. OK, it's not really that bad, I don't often get stranded, just regular old creaks and pops and a broken radio.
I tried to talk to a couple of people at the meeting. Overall I felt kind of weird, like what do I say to these people? That is what I always think, though. I guess I am afraid of saying something stupid.
Mom is annoying me today. She gets so excited about basketball games, and I don't know why. She doesn't watch basketball the whole season, then kind of tags along at the end and pretends to be the biggest Spurs fan in the world. She jumps up and down and makes really high-pitched shrieks, and I'm like, it's just a game.
Can you tell I'm frustrated with my life? Well, I am. I used to want to be different, now I desperately want to be the same. I want to look and act like everyone else. I'm tired of being the brave individual. I want to be the faceless, mindless member of the crowd. I don't want to change, I want to stay the same. I have a dream of being able to sleep 24 hours a day. Otherwise known as death. ha ha ha.
I wish I could just hook up with some guy and be obsessed with him. I wish I could be intoxicated with love. At least I would have something else to think about, and not have to always be alone. Those are terrible reasons for wanting to be with someone, but still, a part of me wants that, maybe 10 percent of me wants that, then the other 90 percent reminds me how lame all members of the male sex are. Yeah, that's harsh, but that's how I feel right now.