Today I studied for about 3 hours in the morning. I had a digitals test at 12:00 which was kind of hard. I think I at least passed. Food is driving me crazy again. I had some gummy bears and felt guilty about eating them. Then my mom ordered pizza and I peeled off the cheese. I had some nuts, and a plain salad- once again, guilty feelings are coming on. The thing is, I actually have an appetite for these things again. And it is driving me insane!
I called my dad last night just to have someone to talk to. He was really nice and he listened to my problems. I felt better. Even though I feel like I depend on my parents too much just to have people to talk to, I didn't care last night. I just needed to vent.
I need some motivation in life, some overriding sense of purpose. As it is, I am so obsessed with diet and exercise that it is taking over my life. Schoolwork keeps me busy, but it's not as if the world is losing anything if I don't do it. I don't feel a sense of urgency about it. It's just something I do basically because I have to, not because I love it so much. I guess that's how everything in life is: do the stuff you have to in order to do the stuff that you want to.
Tonight, I thought about calling Eibsee but instead I'm going to crash on the couch and watch Survivor. Tomorrow I have to go for advising for summer school. I think I'm going to take assembler programming. Sounds fun, doesn't it?