Hey people. It's Friday and I feel slightly better than I did yesterday. I officially did not get the job I interviewed for, which is disappointing but not surprising. I'm not going to make too much of it. But it does leave me wondering what I'm going to do about money in the next few months. I applied to be a TA. If I don't get that job, well, I don't know what I'll do then. Maybe look for something on-campus, or work retail until I can find something better. I'm spending so much money lately, on myself and on Christmas presents, it makes me nervous. Also there is not one good thing to eat in this house so I go out to buy food a lot.

I made a list of all the big events in my life for the year, and I could only think of two, and even those were really lame. How can a year go by where I don't accomplish much of anything? Maybe you could consider it a year of personal growth. It was one year ago that I graduated from college. I feel like I've been drifting since then, not knowing where to go or what to do. I signed on for grad school because I didn't know what else to do. I guess I feel like I've made a big mess of my life, I've regressed in a lot of ways. I've retreated further into shyness, I forced myself to continue in a field that I don't really know if I want to be in. I had a job, I lost it and didn't bother to get another one. I haven't forged any new relationships. I didn't travel anywhere new and exciting. The one thing I can think of that I am actually proud of is that I started working out, but I think that is about the only area of my life where I've improved. There was just this feeling hanging over the whole year, this feeling that I don't really believe in what I'm doing but I'm going to do it anyway because I can't just sit around and do nothing. I haven't been forced to prove myself, my actions haven't been examined carefully enough for anyone to see that I'm going through the motions and not really trying.