Long day at school again. After about 8:30 I stopped paying attention to the lecture and just zoned out. My brain is fried. I'm tired. I'm looking forward to watching Jay and sleeping late tomorrow.

So much anxiety. I don't know how I get so anxious. It's really ridiculous. I don't know why I feel I have to act so perfect all the time. I constantly second-guess myself. Hours after I say something, I will replay it in my mind and worry if that was the wrong thing to say. Is that weird? It probably is. Talking is not an activity I do well, so I am super self-conscious about it.

I ask myself, where is the fun in my life? I guess fun starts after school lets out. But what about when I get a job, then I'll probably never have fun again. Fun to me is being home mid-afternoon, watching pointless TV while sprawled across the couch. That's what I did today, I came home during the afternoon and watched "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?". It was a really awesome movie, but I didn't get to see the end because I had to go to class. Great.

I feel so stupid sometimes. It is humbling to know that I will never be as smart as most of my professors. I bumble around with math and they use it with such ease and grace. After all the math classes I've taken, you'd think I'd be better at math than I am. I can understand the basic ideas of math, but it is still a very unnatural way of thinking for me.