Lazy day today. I went to see my grandma since today is her birthday. I had a huge slice of chocolate cake with ice cream. Talk about sugar overload. I also got to see my nephew who is nearly two. He is adorable. His favorite toys are brooms. He finds them wherever he goes and carries them around and sweeps with them. It's totally cute, but I fear that he might be destined to a life as a janitor.

Yesterday I put on an Aimee Mann album and reflected on my life. I found this interview with Aimee Mann. Now this is a person I can relate to, possibly the only person more introspective than myself. It has some good advice about dealing with stress and fears.

The truth of the matter is, I do know the answers about the things that are bothering me. 1) I need to get over my shyness, no more excuses. That means making big changes. This is the one thing that would change everything if I could accomplish it. I have been imprisoned by this for years and I've been in denial about it for far too long. 2) I need to grow up. This means getting a real job once I get out of school and moving out of my mom's house. I want to feel in charge of my own life, and that is not happening as long as I live at home and live in a fantasy world of not paying bills and depending on my mom for so much. 3) It was probably a mistake to get into CS grad school. I'm not a very good CS student, period. I was a very average student as an undergrad, decided to go to grad school out of my extreme indecision, and am now reaping the consequences. The truth is, my natural inclinations lie elsewhere, and I was not able to change that even after five years of trying very hard to be interested in CPUs. I don't know what this means as far as career interests are concerned, whether I will stay with IT in the long or short run. But the important thing is that I have admitted it to myself.