I think my life is spinning out of control. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I used to at least try to take care of myself, to make myself a little better every day, to take pride in the way I act and the way I live my life. Now it seems I am just letting everything fall where it may. I do strange things- like I eat a bunch of junk food and then exercise like crazy at 11:00 at night. Or study all day, trying to figure out this stupid homework, but getting only about five problems done. I talk to my mom and then make a bunch of sarcastic remarks. I surf the Internet for an hour a day just looking at junk. I stopped drinking milk. I quit believing in God. I think Pastor Steve is an entertainer, not really a spiritual leader, and I hate the music they play. I haven't called Eibsee lately, and I don't really want to. I'd rather be at home and feel sorry for myself and do stupid immature things. What the hell is wrong with me? I think I don't want to be by myself, but I'm too lazy to bother to do anything about it. I'd rather stay at home and watch TV in the dark and get fat and try to get my pathetic attempts at schoolwork done so I won't fail. I'm turning into a real asshole.