I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker. My body's moving but my mind says no. I'm sick of work, so sick of it. I feel like I'm contributing to a lost cause.
Today is the day that I meet the mysterious Nancy. I don't know how I'll react to seeing my dad with a woman who is not my mother. But why go on with this little pretend game? It's stupid.
I want to escape.
I feel like traveling, like taking a long road trip to Arizona or something. I want to drive, and drive, and watch the world go by. My fanciful little vacation. Actually I think I would just like to escape the city. That's not too hard around here- twenty miles on I-10 west, you're in the desert, or 40 miles east, same thing. There are some cool places to hike, but I would be afraid to go by myself. Maybe I'll just spend some time at the park or something :).
I think I'm really losing it. I'm acting weird and I'm impatient and overemotional. It's Friday and all I can think about is how I'm going to work until dinner then I'm going to come home and do more schoolwork. And how I'm going to manage to work through the weekend. The apartment is really filthy. I haven't swept or mopped in 3 weeks and the shower is really gross. So is it cleanliness or finishing the assignment that's really more important?
My head is totally empty. If I were reading this I'd stop right now because this is drivel. I know nothing about the world at this point in time. I have no intelligent opinions about anything that might concern you. I care about one thing, that is myself. I do the things that will make me survive until tomorrow. I am a pathetic loser but it doesn't even matter because no one cares about me anyway. Oh how I wish I could be in bed but I will not sleep because I will not wake up.