All right, so I'm once again frustrated. Once again fed up, annoyed with my life. Sometimes I wonder how long my life can go on like this. Being pathetically lonely, shy to the point of absurdity. I wonder if I'm going to spend another summer being bored out of my mind, staying at the house all day staring at the TV. Looking at this rationally, it's up to me to change. If I change nothing, things are going to stay the same. Deep down I really don't believe this. I believe that something will come along and I will snap out of all this. That something being a job, finding a new hobby I can be excited about, finding the right person who can coax me out of my shell, or going to therapy. After one of these things happen, suddenly my life will be complete, the shyness will go away, and I won't be lonely anymore. I will finally have confidence in myself. This is stupid. I know it is, I mean, even in the rare case when events like that happen I always end up at the same place, and that place is alone staring at a computer screen. I've gone through years like this, and no matter what the circumstances nothing ever changes for me. The constant factor in all of this being me.

Summer makes me crazy. Too much time to ponder things and combined with the time to actually try to make big changes. One year I became a vegan and an exercise fanatic. Last year I joined a dating service and signed up for Italian classes. What will it be this year, I wonder? I should get a job. Not for the money, for the sanity. I wonder what would have happened if I had taken that job at the beginning of the year. I probably wouldn't be writing this, I'd be complaining about getting up early every day and working 50-hour weeks. To be completely honest, I kind of wanted to get that job so that I could avoid the uncertainty of this time of year, have the whole year planned out for me and not have long unproductive breaks that drive me completely insane.