So I was kind of wiped out today for some reason. I felt totally groggy. And yet I still managed to go to Wal-Mart to buy stuff. Underwear, bread, fruit, and also paid to get my pictures developed. Unfortunately, the picture CD I requested ended up not working. I was going to post some photos to the web. My sister came out really well in the pictures. So pretty and sophisticated.

I just have a lot on my mind. This weekend, seeing regular people doing stuff, my sisters who don't sleep until noon everyday, who have things to do and friends and dreams of the future, and here I am, just being a slacker. I go through phases of trying to be productive, being super-motivated, then just giving up on it and succumbing to the slacker lifestyle.

I do think about the future. I go out on job interviews only to find that no one wants to hire me. Why? I have an idea of why, I mean, I have no practial experience in computers despite having a master's degree in computer science, I work in a job totally unrelated to that and it's not something that employers like to see. I wasn't a very distinguished student or employee, either. But I guess the truth is that I haven't had much motivation for the jobs I've interviewed for.

What can I see myself doing? Something to do with science or something to do with writing. I've always loved science, I don't know how good I have been at it as in running science experiments or anything, but I just like coming up with the ideas behind it. I did an experiment for my master's thesis and it was really difficult but it was actually an interesting process coming up with the idea. Only problem with that is I'd probably have to go back to school to get a Ph.D. God, no more school for me.

And writing. I love words and language, love the process of writing and coming up with smooth, polished sentences. But what kind of jobs can you get writing? A newspaper job like the one I have now, I guess. Writing books or magazine articles. Technical writing. Teaching English. Those are the only ones I can come up with. But again, I don't have any credentials for doing any of those. Writing is not very lucrative, either, unfortunately, and it's more difficult to find a job than in a lot of other fields.

I guess I'm just trying to sort through all this, wondering how in the hell I'm going to get to a place I want to be. Sometimes I think that jobs don't matter, I mean jobs are so arbitrary, they are just means to earn money to finance a life. Why do they have to define a person? Maybe I should just take the first cookie-cutter job I can find some unwitting employer to hire me for, do it and save the money and not complain, and have fun after work and on the weekends.