OK, I finally did it. The end was less emotional than I thought it would be. I came to terms with it a few weeks back. I have thought about all possibilities at work. Well, most of them, and have decided against the most realistic ones. The fact that I applied for a job and didn't get it even though I was overqualified for it is a sign to me that it just wasn't meant to be. It's hard to know what is right but this feels right to me for now. But it is going to be hard facing that last day, it really, really is. This announcement came pretty easily, I just spotted a time when the office wasn't busy and my boss had some time. He couldn't have expected me to stay there forever, could he? Still I am sad thinking about not being around for football season, not being able to talk to these really cool, funny semi-celebrities whenever I go to work. There are things I won't miss, though, most notably working nights and driving home in fear a lot of nights. It is also a very isolated job and I am looking for something that is not quite so individual. I guess with this job I always feel like I'm on the razor's edge of survival. It's a high-pressure job in many ways, what with the constant deadlines and the need for a lot of attention to detail. No benefits, you don't get paid much, you work mostly undesirable hours, get home late. But I think that it's that edginess of the job that made it exciting to me. You're out there doing this on your own, you're racing against the deadline, you're out in Downtown when most everyone is at home safe and sound. The job makes me feel important in a lot of ways. And I am going to miss that feeling, of course. But I guess it's not quite as fresh as it was at the beginning, after awhile you are just tired, and you just want to be like ordinary people and go to work during the day and watch TV at night, is that so much to ask? There come days when you really don't want to be out, when it's freezing in the wintertime, when your family member is having a party, when it's Christmas Eve, when you have a test the next day, when the roads get flooded. And you still have to be there, there's no choice about it. In most other jobs you wouldn't have to work those days, they'd say stay home, it's Christmas Eve, we're closed, but you can't do that at the paper. Still, it has been an awesome ride. I mean, it's close to two years into it and I still get a kick out of my job, still like working with the stats. In a lot of ways it has been an ideal job for me. Unconventional and working in journalism, which I love, part-time, no commitment to a career path, really cool people to work with. Not trivial, either, I mean, it does carry a certain amount of responsibility with it, even if it's not the most important job at the paper. There is very little politics involved in it, no messing with meetings or arguing about job responsibilities, very clear cut, actually very little interaction with people, and even that interaction is very scripted. And all of these things match up pretty well with my personality.

But all things must come to an end and I gotta admit that I mastered the job a long time ago and I don't think I'd be happy doing a job that is now very easy and routine for me. Maybe I would feel sort of demeaned by it at this point, given that I have all this education and am working at this $8 an hour job, and I think if I didn't try something else I'd feel like I was wasting my talents at a place just because I was afraid to look for something different. If I would stay it would only be because I do feel comfortable at the job now, not because I was learning new skills or anything. I figure if I stay a year in teaching and hate it I could still conceivably weasel my way into another job at the paper or at some other publication. I might even be able to get my old job back :-).

But I would say I am very much at peace with my decision right now. I did what I needed to do, didn't needlessly postpone it. If it takes three weeks to find and train my replacement, then OK, it takes three weeks and I have over a month before my other job starts to just do whatever I want, go out every night if I want. Which would be cool. If it takes six weeks, that's cool, too, then I'd still have like three weeks off. If I am still working on August 19, then something must have gone terribly wrong, but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I think this is a good time to quit as far as timing is concerned. This is around the time I was hired two years ago and it worked out pretty well where I had a month to learn the job before the real excitement started. I guess I am ready to leave as soon as they feel comfortable with someone else in the job. I'm ready to say good-bye, sad as it might be. I've mastered the job and that's it, I don't care all that much about money, I'd be ready to leave tomorrow if they told me it was OK. That's a sad thought, I hope it isn't tomorrow.