Thursday, May 08, 2003

I don't know why I am so angry. Is it wrong to be angry at your parents? Especially for no good reason, or no immediately apparent reason. I feel like I'm being one of those fussy spoiled brat kids. I just don't feel like seeing my dad because I am just kind of peeved at him. I don't want to face him alone and feel psychoanalyzed by him. He has given me a lot, and that's exactly the problem. Sometimes I am just so angry at him- he says he feels wronged by us, but I can't help feeling that no matter how much we have wronged him, how could it ever compare to how he wronged us? It's like he has no right to complain about anything we ever do. We are owed this, at least. I know this is not a Christian attitude to have. It is based on anger and emotions. God forgives us, and we should forgive others. Honor your mother and father. But I feel like I have nothing to say to him any more. He blames us for not inviting him to things, which is not even a valid claim, but even if it was, it wouldn't be totally our fault. Dad deliberately stays out of our stuff, he doesn't include us much in his life, he doesn't go to church, we don't live with him, so what gives here? He feels punished by his own daughters who are not out to harm him.

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