It is nighttime now and I am back to writing here. Last night I wrote in a paper journal. I haven't done that in a while. There are a lot of things I want to write about but it is hard for me to put them into focus.
Sometimes I feel like studying CS has turned me into a robotic work machine. You work with numbers and/or machines all day. It requires a lot of concentration, it is a very narrow way of looking at the world. It's like you're in this little cubicle and the outside world is totally irrelevant to anything that you are doing. No one outside that world understands anything you are doing. I try to explain to my dad what exactly computer architecture is, and he still doesn't understand after I've told him a million times, and the thing is, he really doesn't want to know. I know a tiny thimbleful of water from the ocean of computer architecture knowledge and I still know a million times more than my dad does.
On the other hand, it seems like I lack any real emotional depth or any way of sorting out my emotions. I have made it to where I deal with the same people day in, day out, and any deviation from that sends me into a tailspin.