I am becoming jittery. I wish I could be better at things. "Wish I had died instead of lived." Sometimes I do feel like that.
I feel like such a failure at work. I know it's not exactly the best job in the world, and I don't want to have this job for the rest of my life, but it still frustrates me that I'm so bad at it. I think my boss and my coworkers see me as a total flake. I mess up all the time- I make the wrong drinks, or forget something on an order. And I have a hard time talking to people, even just to tell them something about the order, or saying hi, or asking for my paycheck. Today I made this hot fudge sundae, and it looked so bad that someone had to make it again. It looks like I don't really know what I'm doing. Which I don't, a lot of the time. I don't think I'm a terrible employee- I don't steal, I always get there on time, I do what I'm told, that kind of stuff. I'm just not the kind of person who gets ahead. I'm the kind of person who gets stuck doing the same job forever because they never get promoted, or never ask for a change. How depressing. I guess the point of this is that I know I could do a better job than I am now, but for some reason I choose not to. Laziness? Apathy? Being a spoiled brat? One of the above.