So. Christmas. I had to work Christmas Eve and I had to work today. That pretty much sucked. I had to leave my mom's family's festivities today after only an hour so I could get to work on time. But otherwise, it was all right. My parents are always generous with the presents. I got a new bookshelf and some much-needed spending money. I got some new boots and some clothes. I spent some time with the members of my extended family and it was nice and pleasant. Oh yeah, and everyone liked the gifts I got for them. And I'm nearly over my cold. So it was a good Christmas overall, even if I spent a few hours of it at work.

One persistent worry when I spend time with other people is that I am turning into a freak and becoming too insular. I mean, my cousins are showing off their cell phones to each other and I don't even have one. Even my 12-year-old cousin has a cell phone. But no one ever calls me.

I was only too glad not to talk about grad school or my future plans. Everyone knows where I work, and I guess they assume I like it there and I am going to keep working there. But I think it is probably puzzling to them why I bothered to get a master's degree and then I go to work at this place where my job is completely unrelated to anything I studied in school. Also puzzling to me, of course. I guess that is probably the least of my problems when I act like such a freak and live this weird, unsatisfying existence. I guess the truth is I hate the way I look. I'm not bothered by weight issues for the most part, but it is more that I just wish that I looked more put together. You know, hair, make-up, decent clothes, shoes that aren't year-old tennis shoes, contacts instead of glasses. Clothes that were purchased this calendar year. I suppose that makes me feel different, and like people don't see me as attractive, they see me as, I don't know, a kid, an unkempt college student, a frump, most likely a big nerd who doesn't care about things like that. I don't know, and then trying to make conversation, but it's like there's nothing I'm really very excited about in my life. My job is probably the only thing worth talking about, I do not want to talk about school, but I wish I had at least a few outside interests, that I had seen a movie at the theater in the past six months or something. I guess those things are at the root of my dissatisfaction, not some big complicated psychological thing.