So I decided not to take the job. Entry-level corporate professional job, that is. I didn't know what to do, but they needed an answer today, so I said no. I was tempted to take it. It would have made my life easier. Money-wise, not having to answer questions from my family about what the hell I'm going to do now that I finished my master's. I guess the fact is that I didn't really want to leave the job I have now. I think there's a possibility of advancing there. I like working there, it's cool, it's glam, and I think if I had shut the door now I probably would have looked back on it with regret.

I'm trying to be smarter. I've been at this point twice before in my life, made some decisions that I wasn't really happy with, and I want it to be different this time. Graduated from high school. I spent months reading about different colleges. I went to visit a couple of different places. I ended up going to UTEP, and not that it isn't a good school, but I went there basically because I had a scholarship there. Not because I really wanted to go there, but it was easy, it was convenient, and so it was decided. Fast forward 3.5 years. I am graduating from UTEP with my bachelor's degree. End of the semester is crazy, I don't know what to do. Don't see myself getting a job in town and don't want to move. Fact is, I'm still having career doubts. So what do I do- I apply to CS grad school. I know I can get in. I can still live at home and be a student. What's not to like? But once again, I am making a decision based on fear, because it seems like the right thing to do, a good thing to do, and it is convenient. And then, I go through two more years of school. For the past year or so I've had a real motivation problem. The worst motivation problem I've ever had in my life. I feel in over my head and am still having career doubts, those never went away. I even get a part-time job in a different field to see what it is like. But despite my lack of motivation, I keep applying for jobs in software, and am tempted to take the only one that is offered to me. Why- because it is expected, because those are the only jobs I'm somewhat qualified for. Sometimes I feel like my life is a runaway train and I can't stop it. But I can, I'm determined to be smarter and to ask myself the tough questions and figure out at least a short-term plan. I'm willing to take the time this time. Not rush into something that I don't really want that I will end up regretting later.