OK so it's over. Thesis defense is over, I was scared. I was unprepared, I thought the committee members were going to hammer me and I would run from the room crying. But no, it went OK, I knew the answers to the questions for the most part. I guess I see myself a certain way and I expect everyone to see me that way. Insecure, flaky, uncertain. I had a run in my nylons and I didn't have a demo and I thought everyone would see right through me. Yet somehow these people treated me as a professional, had some respect for the work I managed to do, and it wasn't altogether bad. Why have I been so afraid for all this time? I've felt so guilty. I felt like a failure and I shut down. Why didn't I step up? More importantly, why didn't I ask for help? It's maddening, really.
Well, anyway, that was that, and it's all over. I took some pictures yesterday to remember my time at good old UTEP. The parking lot I must have parked in about 5 million times over the past five years. The sculpture garden I passed all the time and every time I thought, I have got to take pictures of that place. So yesterday I did.
2 Comments:
CONGRATULATIONS!!! You did it, you are proof that things will work out in the end. I'm glad that you came to the realization that the horrific flaws that we all see in ourselves aren't usually as visible to everyone else. I don't think people see you as unfocused and incompetent as you have occasionally made yourself out to be. I hope everything works out for you and that you end up finding the right job for you.
I know there is a lot of talk about finding the perfect job. But the truth is, your first job out of school is not going to be your last, so it is perfectly ok just to take a job because of the money, or just because the company has a good name, of just because you think it might be fun even if it won't advance your career. Just think about what some of your short term goals are and pick a job that addresses those. Then, re-evaluate in a year.
Thanks. I have appreciated your periodic words of advice/encouragement this past year. Good advice about finding a job, too. One day I hope I will be able to congratulate you on finishing your Ph.D. Good luck, if I can finish grad school then you definitely can.
Post a Comment
<< Home