Another update on my food binge. A chocolate eclair with cream filling. I never knew fried food could taste so0000 good! Leftover pizza and sweet potato. The highlight of the day? A chocolate frozen yogurt. God, it was so good. I haven't had an ice cream cone in about a year. It was DELICIOUS. I was totally full when I ordered it, but eating it was definitely worth it. It brought back some really good memories. The best part was all the yogurt that accumulates in the bottom of the cone. It was wonderful. I don't know when I've experienced such absolute PLEASURE.
I turned in my crappy CS project today. My project is so awful. Half the test cases don't even work. I'll work on it later. I did my Spanish homework. I also did my matrix homework. We filled out the class evaluation forms today, and I gave her a "poor" rating on a lot of the questions. I got some kind of evil pleasure out of doing that. I honestly hate her class and I find her so annoying.
I'm giving up this business of food bingeing. What the hell am I doing to myself? But I'm not going to stop eating candy once in a while or enjoying a slice of pizza. It's ridiculous to continue this weird restrictive diet. And I'm not going to worry about exercising so much. Who needs exercise? It's a matter of maintenance, and it feels good to do it, but why should it rule my whole life?
My boyfriend wasn't in matrix class today. I guess he had better things to do. I love him so much.
I cleaned the house today. It actually felt good to do something and to feel like the house was neat and orderly. My obsessive-compulsive neat freak side is coming out.
I thought about it for awhile and decided that I am so jealous of my sister. I resent her. She is prettier than me. She wears nice clothes. She has lots of friends and a boyfriend. She is going away to college. She drives a new car. She eats a bunch of fattening foods and still looks good. She watches TV and sits on her butt a lot of the time but everyone still seems to like her more than they like me. She doesn't study but she still gets somewhat decent grades. As opposed to me. I study a lot for school, but I go to a mediocre school and still live at home. I wear ugly clothes that don't even fit me and sometimes I don't bathe. I do chores around the house but no one seems to care. I exercise, but no one seems to care about that either. I used to eat healthy, but again my family doesn't care one iota. I talk to my mom and try to take her feelings into consideration, but once again, no one seems to recognize this. I try to pay for things myself so I'm not such a bum, but I don't even know why. Why am I such a martyr? It's not even worth it. Above all, it's not worth it to myself. I think I'd rather sit on my duff and eat potato chips from now on.