First day of summer. This actually makes me sad since the days will be getting shorter from now on. This is like the pinnacle of the year.

Summer and there's a lot of time to ponder. I wonder if I'm making the right decisions for my life. Can you ever really be sure you are making the right decision? Nothing is ever 100 percent. I look at my life and just see the broken things in it. I think about how miserable I was last year and how nearly unbearable it was. I'm so glad not to be in that anymore. But I look back and I regret it so much and I regret where I am career-wise because of that.

I think I'm about five years behind the rest of the world in maturity. It's taken me five extra years to figure out what I really want to do with my life, or at least have some idea. And relationship-wise I'm way behind, too. It's taken me a long time to get the hang of meeting people and not being completely afraid of starting conversations with them. And I've never had a serious relationship. Part of me doesn't even want to go there. But I wonder why I've stopped wanting that and pretty much ruled it out as a possibility. I used to think about guys and love and all that back in high school, a lot more than I do now. And then came college, and I kind of realized, I'm not an exceptionally pretty girl, I have the social skills of a cardboard box, and I was fat for a couple of years and it was always like, no one is ever going to want to be friends with me much less go out with me like that. So it was the very solo life for me, and now I am completely behind in that aspect of life. Maybe it is past due for me to stop living this narrow life and time to try to expand the network a bit, to make my life more into what I think it should be instead of just letting it stagnate. Sigh, easier said than done.