Tuesday and I'm so frustrated. My car is in the shop. The whole key switch had to be changed out and now the steering lock is missing or some crap like that. So I have no car and I have to go to work and it's so annoying. I hate to have work done on the car. I just wish I could have figured out some way not to have the whole thing changed out.

I have some decisions to make. I wrote this whole long thing this morning pondering my job options. I don't know what I want to do. But what the heck, this might bring some new opportunities my way. You know when your life has stagnated and it's time to move onto something else? That's the way I feel but I don't know what that something else is. But it's hard. I can't be a kid forever, I can't work part-time forever, I need to pull my own weight and be at least on the road to being self-sufficient.

I'm tired and I have been having problems sleeping thinking about all this. I am sleepy and I want to spend all day napping.

I am so grumpy and I just feel yucky and spiritually empty and tired. I haven't had time to really sit down and talk with people, well, my sister, I guess. I guess I just need to talk with Mom, that will make everything better.

I have this huge reading assignment that I haven't even started on. I've been preoccupied and am not really in the mood to read for a couple of hours. I'm tired of things changing and decisions needing to be made. I just wish things could stay the same, I could sleep til noon and watch TV all day, not decide on anything, just exist, read and ponder and get the mail and go to the library and that's all.

I had been doing better with the spiritual side of things but now I am getting away from it. I'm so defensive and I question people's motives. I doubt and I neglect and I don't pray, I am addicted to myself and that's all I ever seem to think about and I need to stop. God is good. Somehow I just know this and sometimes I question it but not really. I know. God is good, I am broken, and I need God's mercy like I need water to drink.