So it's 11:35. I got home from work early. I don't know why I'm so tired today. Maybe because it was overcast and chilly. I could barely pry myself away from my bed. I started reading this interview with Gloria Anzaldua from 1997. It was really, really interesting. She had a lot of cool ideas. And being Hispanic, it's still pretty rare to see a Hispanic woman in academia. Encouraging people to speak out. Also just to read about someone who writes for a living. She speaks about going into a sort of zone to write. Once in a while, I get so into writing that I go into that zone. It's weird to me to read about people who are artists, where expression is everything, who write fiction and poetry. She even draws pictures to go with them. My interest in this woman was piqued. I did a Google search, went to her Wikipedia entry and it turns out she died in 2004. This made me really sad. It's weird, it was like I "got to know her" and then just as soon found out she died. It's weird how you can feel like you know a person so intimately through just reading what they wrote. The Diary of Anne Frank. It's a diary, sort of like my diary, but better, of course, and then you just realize what happened to her and how horrible it was, to have taken away the life of such an innocent person. A person who had hopes and dreams like me, who fell in love, who argued with her parents, who went to school. It's very, very sad. Why do bad things happen? I don't know.

My grades for the discussion papers I wrote for class: 18/20 and 19/20. I was happy with that, I was so nervous about turning in those papers. I've written reports, I've written a thesis even, but I'm no English major. So I was so afraid I would just be stitching a bunch of incoherent thoughts together and I would get marked way down. Instead the prof wrote, "Great discussion" and on one he even wrote, "I would like to see you write more on this." Awesome! I mean, I don't think these were such fantastic papers, but at least I know I can make it through a writing class.

Work is wearing on my nerves. I like having the extra hours and extra pay, but it is taking its toll. I don't have as much time for other things. People, mainly. I have a lot of time during the day but no one is home, usually, so I spend most of that time alone. I read, practice piano, watch a few daytime TV shows, walk the dog/exercise, do homework, spend time on the Internet. I guess the main thing is that it is such a routine. Like I don't ever really do anything new. It's been a month or two since I have gone outside El Paso. I don't even get to go out to eat as much, maybe once a week, and we always go to the same places. It's been awhile since I've really done something fun, probably the last time was to the movies with my sister. I don't even watch the TV shows I used to watch since now I'm not home during the evenings except for one day a week. So I guess I would just say my life is kind of boring. And kind of lonely. Maybe this week I can try to go out a little more, maybe get my hair cut or go to the mall or something. Maybe go to the art museum, go out to lunch, anything to disrupt the boredom.

I was thinking about a topic for a blog post: things I miss about the Westside. West El Paso. I still consider myself from there. I liked it better there. I grew up there, everything was familiar. And it's like everything there seems newer and fresher. Things are always springing up, there's a nice restaurant scene, there are bookstores and coffee shops, and here, well, there are a few venues. But there's no Starbucks, no mall nearby, no Barnes and Noble. The neighborhood around where we live feels like it's stuck in the '80s. It's kind of limiting and I wish it were a little nicer. And of course, just the familiarity, my dad, my grandparents, all within a few miles of each other. It feels like home. If I could choose somewhere to live, that's probably where I would choose. Actually, I think if I ever move out I'd like to move Downtown. So sophisticated. *rolls eyes* But it probably would be fun.

CDs I have been thinking about buying: The Cars Complete Greatest Hits. The Police Greatest Hits (Import). John Mayer Continuum.

This makes me feel better, just writing everything out. Writing the way you eat. Naturally. I'm so worried about what I write sometimes. It's not proper or whatever, it's in bad taste. Journal writing is kind of pointless. I've read a couple things about the value of keeping a journal. Mostly that it is not valuable at all. There's no artistry, everything comes out all mushed-up and incoherent. I think it was David Sedaris who wrote that he keeps journals and mostly never looks at them again, but once in a while he will get an idea from it. I think that's a good way to write. I keep journals. I have one for just about every year since I was about 11 or 12. I have gone back and looked at some of them. You notice a couple of things: 1) You repeat yourself a lot. The same issues come back up, the same feelings. 2) A lot of times things you worried about in the past seem stupid when you come back to them. I worried about that? 3) There really is no sense, sometimes you jump from one thing to the next, descriptions aren't fleshed out, you will write about something minor when something major really happened. 4) Sometimes you will read something and not remember what happened. At all. That's scary. Or sometimes I will even use a person's initials instead of their real name. To be anonymous? But then a year later I'll read what I wrote and not even remember who that person is. But it's good for a laugh once in a while, it's good to remember where you've been, what you felt. Sometimes I will see something I wrote and think, wow, I still feel that exact same way. I understand myself better than I think. So there's some value there, I suppose. But I guess it's of value only to me, I mean maybe my kids or grandkids (if I have them) could go back and find some use in it, or if I suddenly died my family members could read what I really thought. I guess what I'm saying is that kind of stuff probably doesn't belong on something like a blog, I mean, unless I were doing something extraordinary that people would actually be interested in. But then the question is, where do I draw the line, how personal should I go, what is interesting and what is not? Lately I've been trying to write things that are not about myself, things that are about things outside myself, but then there's the problem that I don't feel like I have anything to say that would be worth saying about such things.