Today I really got into it with my mom. She's forcing me to take antidepressant medication. She might as well spoon-feed me every meal. I feel like a little kid who holds his breath until he passes out just to get some attention. I really need to stop being so dependent on my parents for everything. If I could just fly from the nest, my life would be so much better.
Thank God for the Internet. I don't feel like such a freak today. So I like being thin. What's so wrong about that? I eat normal meals, I don't starve myself, and I like to exercise and eat healthy. I'm not some anorexia nervosa freak. I just want to get on with my life and stop thinking about food and my overbearing mother.
Today I actually had two fairly long conversations with people in my classes. I felt like my efforts at being more social were finally bearing some fruit.

Today I went to get new glasses and buy my sister a birthday present. On the first task I was unsuccessful, but I actually accomplished the second. I bought a $10 book of movie passes and a $.99 card at Hallmark. I figure you can't go wrong with the gift of movies. As for the glasses, they'll have to wait- insurance hassles. But I really want to get new frames. I've had the old ones for about seven years! They're not broken or anything, I just want a change.
I put on some earrings today. It's the first time I've worn jewelry in a very long time. I also bought a new skirt for $1 at a garage sale. I'm planning on wearing it to church tomorrow. I am so cheap. My sister just asked my mom for money for new pants, even though she has about a million pairs already, and I don't ask and use my own money to buy a $1 skirt. Sometimes I think my sister is so spoiled. I know that if I asked my mother for money, she would give it to me. But I don't like doing that, I prefer to pay for things myself.
As for the previous post, I tried to write a little sketch about this old man who was selling his homemade book of poetry door-to-door. He was the cutest old man you've ever seen. He was all dressed up and he had this blue folder. His poems were not too bad- mostly about patriotism and cowboys. I looked through them and considered buying them for a couple of minutes. I almost did only because I felt sorry for this man. He must have been one of those lonely retirees who have too much time on their hands, and decide to take up some leisurely hobby, like traveling or knitting, or in this case, writing poetry. Eventually, I had to tell him that I wasn't going to buy his book ($5 is a lot for a college student!). But I felt so sorry for him because I know what it's like to be lonely and looking for something to do. And when the world looks at what you've created and what seemed so important in your own mind and laughs it away without a second thought.

He stood in the small enclosed front porch. Today is the day I'm going to sell my poetry, he thought that morning after his bath as he shined his shoes and put on his plaid pants. He carefully printed out copies of his poems, saved in the MS Word file labeled "Poetry." He had only bought his computer the month before with his pension money.

Today was the day I went back to high school. In college it is easy to forget the days of rowdy classmates and ineffective teachers and sitting in class thinking, " I wish I could be somewhere else right now." Kids standing in the hallways killing time between classes. It's all coming back to me now. Only now among the "kids" are middle-aged balding men waiting for our matrix algebra professor. "So, what's your major?" I ask the giant of a computer geek standing next to me. It seems I've asked that question only about a million times since I've started college. "Computer science? Oh, me, too. Wow." I pretend to be fascinated, as if I never considered the possibility that this could occur. In reality, I had already labeled him as a CS major a mile away. "How are you doing in this class?" "Oh, you're failing? Ummmm, well, that's too bad," I say, trying to sound sympathetic. I never know what to say after that. Fortunately, the professor finally arrives, looking flustered as usual, and opens the door to the lab, circumventing the effects of the "five-minute rule."

Today I took an insanely long drive. Why? I don't even know why, really. I was planning on going on a nice long hike, but the thing was, I couldn't really find a good trail. I thought surely there must be some obscure state park along I-10 with a bunch of underused hiking trails. But alas, there was no such park. So I ended up just driving around and wasting a lot of gas. I took a nap in my car, and it was surprisingly comfortable, even though when I woke up I felt like my pants were burning a hole into my thigh.
Friday I went to the career fair. It was funny to see all the CS majors dressed up to impress the recruiters. Usually, they are dressed in the same jeans-and-T-shirt uniform every day. Making small talk at a career fair really is an art. "So, you're interested in our company?" Well, yeah. But if you're really not interested, what do you say then? "No, I was just passing by, and I have no desire to be in the army or test nuclear weapons." ? "Are you graduating this year?" "No." "OK, well nice talking to you. Come back in two years." It scares me to think of getting a real job. Having to leave home. Having real pressure and responsibilities. I'm kind of afraid that college is just too easy, and when I get into the "real world", I'm going to sink and become a failure. Or stay at one comfortable job for 30 years and realize that I've contributed nothing to the world. Or that I'll become a workaholic robot and have no soul. Or that I'll get laid off and be forced to live with my mother forever. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

It's Thursday. Valentine's Day, but I ain't got nobody. Took a test today in Digital Design. That professor was born without a sense of humor. My sister's boyfriend gave my mother flowers for Valentine's Day. That is just a ridiculous amount of brown-nosing. I don't know why my mom makes such a big deal out of Valentine's Day. Maybe she is just sad remembering when my dad used to deliver flowers to her at school for Valentine's and really make a big deal. My sister Andrea never leaves her room. Is that normal? I have to wonder what kind of world she's living in.
Sardines. That's good food.

Hello world. Now that I have so much free time, I thought I'd update my blog. I am discovering the joys of being a college student. I couldn't sleep so I got up at 3:30, finished a novel I was reading (St. Maybe by Anne Tyler), then decided to surf the web. I checked the headlines from the New York Times and discovered that today is a slow news day.
I'm coming to the realization that I don't have to do the same old boring routine everyday. I could just take off today and never come back. I don't have to have oatmeal for breakfast every day. I could have a bagel, or toast, or nothing. I could start drinking coffee. I don't have to go to Spanish class and hand in mi tarea.
People are so absurd. Sacred and ridiculous at the same time. What I do seems so damn important to me, but the reality is that it's all been done. There's some French saying "The more things change the more they stay the same." So I'm not the only person to ever hassle with life's travails. The human experience- we're all connected- in the circle of life.
It's my life and I'll do what I want.
God, I sound so trite.